So here's our sung... we woe win, we neva do. Ar sownd loik a Millwall fan. No wun loiks us, we doe care. It really is abowt toim Noddy Olda ad a goo for us...

🇦🇹 Osstreea now. Bloody hell... there'll be some windaz an mirraz smasht wiv this voice.

Iceland 🇮🇸 now. I ay sure if it's the Dudley store or Cradley. Ironic thay all look loik tham wrapped in silver foyl and reddy to throw in the oven direct frum the frayza.

Latvia 🇱🇻 now.. Its a bit dull an I ay gorra clue wat tham on abowt. An the outfits am crap.

Nevverlands now. 🇳🇱 I still call it Ollund. A plezunt enuff sung but ay nuffin speshul

Finland 🇫🇮 What a very talented, well dressed lady 👀

Italy 🇮🇹 now. So he has subtoytles so we can read how shite his sung is as well as hear it. Gerrof and tek yowa saft showlda pads wiv ya.

Poland 🇵🇱 So there'll be a huge amount of votes coming in for her from West Brom.. Sum one cud av towd er that er outfit was ripped.

Germany now 🇩🇪 Sownds like a bloody car alarm gooin off.

Next up Greece 🇬🇷 Klavdia er name is. Pretty looking wench but er name sounds like someat yow catch off a public toilet seat in Brummijum

Sung 18... cow me, ow many moowa? Armenia 🇦🇲 Anuva med up plairce ay it? Poor bloke ay evan gorra shirt to wear. I hope he's gorra coot or he'll catch his death, Switzerlund is cowd on a noit.

19. Switzerland 🇨🇭 The land of cuckoo clocks and towbleroll... and that's wat they should stick to.

Malta 🇲🇹 sung 328754... I think zzzzz I doe think I can keep gooin wiv this shite.

Portugal 🇵🇹 now.. No doubt see time waysting, play acting, rolling around... Oh no, that's theya footballers ay it? It's the Portugeeze version ov the bloke owt of the proclaimaz in cream flares an a shirt that doe fit him.

Denmark 🇩🇰 next... Wiv er coot on she looked like one ov them dolls yow put owva ya bog roll.

Sweden 🇸🇪 It ay exactly ABBA is it? Saft though!

Next up France 🇫🇷 Qwite a noice tune but er cud be singing about dead edgehogs for all I know.

San Marino 🇸🇲 Tham tekkin the piss owt if Italy. Mek um winnaz now 🏆 Yourowvishun needs this level of shithousery

Albania 🇦🇱 Last sung... thank the lord. Ar cor keep doin this... Is er the Albanian Claudia Wankulmon?

So whose yowa top 5? Arm gooin... 1 Sweden 🇸🇪 2 Spain 🇪🇸 3 Estonia 🇪🇪 4 Malta 🇲🇹 5 Luxembourg 🇱🇺