Gonna recreate this and put my girls head through the ceiling

I wake up early basically everyday and I’ve never gotten a worm. Somebody lied to me.

If I was about to die from smoke inhalation and you tried to give me a prime I’m throwing you in the fire

This is exactly the type of guy I want sharing a bathroom with my daughter

AriZona Iced Tea is still 99 cents

ICE need to deport everyone who can’t do 10 pushups

Same vibes

Women will fuck you on the first date then have the audacity to tell you their body count is 4

This the type of shit you do one time and realize how useless it is then go back to hitting snooze 14 times the next day

Non weed smokers be like let me tweet the same thing once a week

They were on some other shit when the browns traded for Deshaun

Why do people like celebrities instagram posts?? Do you think they’re gonna notice you?? Fuck them

Everytime someone’s losing an argument they start saying shit like “strawman” and “ad hominem”

Imagine ruining your life because a bunch of 8 year olds were in your chat calling you a bitch

I can fix her

“There are decades when nothing happens, and there are weeks when decades happen.” - Lenin

Men get raped every day it’s called looking at fat women in public

Women will bitch about societal beauty standards 24/7 then find a man who doesn’t care about any of that and still hate him