More American males now wear bracelets than eat stew

I asked this lady if anything weird happened during her shift at the hospital and she said yeah all the time it’s a womens shelter

The greatest problem in our country today is not harnessing love for political purposes

The only Barbie that matters

Micro fiber is for the messy bitches

Sometimes I blow my own mind

mcdonald’s monopoly is back. maybe everything will be ok….

The sun and moon have cancer

(opening the fridge for my date) I own all this food

Women like to say sorry it’s so gross in here

bro last night was a refreshing take on an old classic

Today a midget traveling in the Micro Wrestling tour came into my salon and wanted cornrows. Then he made me video him peace-ing out of the door in slow motion

Sitting in my unlocked parked car alone in the dark waiting for someone to drag me out of it so I can actually have some fun

Remembering when my breast milk took a while to come in so I drank a lot of beer to induce lactation and ended up becoming an alcoholic within 5mo

It’s really fun to cook a stew or chili or other hearty slop and pretend you’re the cook on an old ass ship in the winter or some cold ass fort.

If they ban tiktok kids will start wearing v necks

Most Americans actually don’t believe in Jesus. Most Americans believe in a messiah figure known as The Wichita Lineman

Adult acne got me looking like a meth addict