“Reindeer might taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know cuz I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfather.” #PulpKringle

“Say ‘ho ho ho’ again. Say ‘ho ho ho’ again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfather, say ‘ho ho ho’ one more goshdarn time!” #PulpKringle

“On the 24th, you may feel a slight sting. That’s Christmas fooling with you. Forget spirit! Spirit only hurts; it never helps. You fight through those sugarplums.” #PulpKringle

"I'ma call a coupla hard, nog-hittin' elves, who'll go to work with some tools from the workshop. You hear me talkin', bad little boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get Christmas-eval on your ass." #PulpKringle

Vincent: You know what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese at the North Pole? Jules: They don't call it a 1/4 Pounder with cheese? V: No, they're elves. They wouldn't know what the heck that is. J: Then what do they call it? V: They call it a Rudoph with cheese. #PulpKringle

Let me ask you a question. When you came here, did yeou notice a sign in front of my house that said "Egg Nogger Storage"? Jules: I didn't. Jimmie: You know WHY you didn't see that sign? 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing Egg Nog ain't my business, that's why! #PulpKringle

"What about you, Mrs. Claus?" "I'll have a $5 egg nog." "You want that Comet & Cupid or Donder and Blitzen?" #PulpKringle

Jules: I want you to go in Santa's bag, and find my Christmas Present. Pumpkin: Which one is it? Jules: It's the one that says Naughty Motherfather. #PulpKringle

My friend is so cheap, he goes through couch cushions for change at the furniture store. #jokesforsale #cheap

Find the secret to #happiness on the latest episode of The $18 Podcast with Chris & Ralph, on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts! open.spotify.com/episode/3CkZSF…

What’s the key to #happiness? We have some ideas. spotify.link/rmTEirma9Ib #SelfHelp #HappyLife

From The Boss. He put it perfectly. Thank you Bruce Springsteen.

The Pillsbury Doughboy is just Casper the Friendly Ghost with a hat.

Andy Warhol said “In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.” I would add “and be a pariah for five of them.” #jokesforsale #cheap

Name one awesome Nicholas Cage movie and one terrible one. Try to make your choices a different one. #jokesforsale #cheap

Name a belief or stance that you would defend with your fists.

What makes you really angry?

What is a habit of yours that others might find peculiar?

If you could ask God one question and get an honest answer, what would it be?