I didn’t watch fireworks last night Instead, I worked in my business plan and networked in the sauna with billionaires Also, my family didn’t invite me because I always “embarrass” them by selling popsicles for $20 to children who don’t understand how money works

Bought a burger restaurant Changed “mayo” to “seasoned aioli” on the menu and tripled prices That’s how you make millions with basically no work

How it feels to be confronted about the reels you liked

“He doesn’t look autistic” My apologies, son perform autism for the lady please.

If I was waken up by a pony playing a keyboard after surgery I would assume I passed away

Having a Don Draper summer

Made a profile of a hot woman on Hinge Matched with 500 guys and told them to meet me at this park for a date I tell them: Sorry parking is so expensive, but I’ll make it worth your while ;) 500 cars x $50 parking = $250,000 in passive income

10th anniversary dinner with my wife last night Made a reservation at the finest Australian restaurant in town (Outback Steakhouse) But suddenly a billionaire walked in "Hold on honey, something important just came up," I told my wife I was gone for 45 minutes, networking

Spoke to 300 students at one of the best business schools in the country Gave them absolutely terrible advice to follow Another new round of competition neutralized The next few decades will be smooth sailing for my business

almost forgot this was the whole point

Two days into calc 3 and I’ve learned one thing. I have got to figure out a way to go pro.

If you just have 1 beer, that's called an Unlinked Beer. The body has ways of rejecting this beer and dampening its creative influence

Saw a single mom struggling to pay for groceries "We can only afford milk or eggs this week - but not both," she told her kids I was heartbroken Then I showed her how to borrow small amounts of money from a payday lender, right from her phone "What's an 'interest rate', and

this is what it looks like when i lock in

guys you're not gonna believe this