I get turned off easily if a fly keep landing on you, I'm cool fr

not my circus but admittedly those ARE my monkeys

When taylor swift and travis kelce get married their names will both be Taylor Lautner 🥹❤️

when i'm broke: when i get paid again ima start saving shit fr this time no unnecessary shit me when i get paid: google, show me your most frivolous and worldly things

sometimes I’ll drink a gingerale and eat a biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a delta flight

u be talking to somebody and theyll be like yea my parents didnt let me watch spongebob

hearing a man say “i was going to” is such a turn off because 1. you didn’t 2. you’re lying 3. and now i’m bored

Dude are you fucking serious I can tell youre on Red 40

bald head ass gets whatever he wants eating wings kissing keke palmer what the fuck ever bro

i pulled out a banana at work for a lil snack & my co worker looked at me and said “oh its banana time ?” then proceeded to pull out a banana of his own and tried to toast bananas with me. i wanted to kill this nigga

Bf brought me to get wings and margaritas, took me out dancing, and then said “after this drink let’s go home and restart Desperate Housewives” I feel like a dog that’s about to be put down