i hate a pretzel and cheese ass bitch

[inventing thanksgiving] inventor: …and everyone should eat turkey me: [sharp inhale through teeth] ooo shouldn’t we choose a meat that isn’t complete garbage? inventor: me: like i dunno… literally anything else?

you don’t have real style if you don’t buy disney D-Signed clothes from kohls

y’all can’t say you knew this

i always forget x is dead man sometimes i’m like yoo what’s he up to

sicko mode is just updated Bohemian Rhapsody and you can’t say i’m wrong

honestly fuck roblox for taking away the tix currency like y’all greedy as fuck

i’m flyer than a fucking ostrich

i forgot twitter was a thing, are mo bambi and sicko mode jokes still all the rage or no

is ur child texting about anime? smh = sailor moon hot lmao = looking at manga/anime online brb = boruto? really bro? lol = light owned L smh = so much hentai wtf = worse than franxx btw = browse the wiki ily = i love yaoi ftw = for the weebs ikr = is krillin racist

can someone invent hearing aids that look like airpods because my hearings awful and i want to look rich

*browsing gas staion pre packaged sandwiches* they all look so good i just cant decide!

okay so. i’m sitting in a dunkin’ donuts and a cop walks in and orders a fucking grilled cheese. it’s also 6 am and this little kid is like “this early?” and he goes “its always time for grilled cheese”

i might actually use twitter again idk tho #NewProfilePic

i miss tumblr girl era

sup