still so wild how they're so horny for the constitution and the founding fathers but love to willfully ignore the part about separating church and state

This is Apollo. He has picked the least efficient way to cool off. But it is the most fun. 14/10

me rn

butterfly dress

Here's the scary side of the Damar Hamlin story nobody but Garrett Bush wants to talk about.

Starbucks is for people who like consistency, and Dunkin is for people who crave chaos. We will not be explaining further

THE ROOKIE DID IT! THE ROOKIE DID IT! Xavier Gipson TAKES THE PUNT BACK AND WE WIN THE FOOTBALL GAME. #BUFvsNYJ on ESPN

Matthew Perry gave the world one of the best comedic performances and comfort characters in television, he was not a character but I hope he knows he made an impact on a lot of people, RIP

Monday mood: Joey Tribbiani

The New York Jets and the end zone

If this guy owned the Jets they’d play in the best stadium in the NFL and have 10 super bowls by now

how I snoop around the city

Since you found the letters does this mean I have to give a private concert?

BREAKING: Today I'm calling upon the Legislature to protect New Jerseyans from the biggest menace on the roads: Pennsylvania drivers. All proceeds from the “Passing Lane Protection Act” will help pay for driving lessons across the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

I feel obligated to have a brief moment of silence for whatever Spotify engineer is on call tonight. You're doing God's work. Pour yourself a drink. I hope your autoscaler is ready.

This is my new favorite quote from this season

My life is a joke.