“When I said ‘I am a stable genius’, I misspoke. I meant to say ‘I’m a pathological liar.’”

A fence can’t stop my two-year-old from playing with his new best friend.

when people hate your new album so you go back to your greatest hits

I’m warning you right now if you fire me/cancel me/boycott me from any of my silly entertainment jobs I will simply run for public office, where ANYTHING GOES!

Lebron James has done more for education than Betsy DeVos, more for charity than Donald Trump, and more for inner cities than Ben Carson. Maybe Washington should shut up and dribble.

And so it begins...

Barack and Michelle couldn’t stop laughing during their first Christmas address

Say hello to Luke and Oliver. They opened the wrong gifts. Now they’re stuck with them. Clearly some sort of mixpup. 12/10 for both

Guys, not to alarm anyone, but the Canadian side of Niagara Falls is an icy, winter wonderland right now (via kael rebick IG @Arjsun @AdamRDanni)

The first time President Obama met with his US Attorneys, he told us, “I appointed you but you don’t serve me. You serve the American people. And I expect you to act with independence & integrity.” None of us ever forgot that.

The Dogs of 2017

Amendment 25 is the “I am a very stable genius” clause of the Constitution.

BREAKING NEWS ON CHIP: CBO now says if Congress extends CHIP for 10 years instead of 5, it will not cost the government ANYTHING. It will save $6 billion AND keep 9 million low income kids covered. Congress decides within 9 days. This is not widely known but needs to be.