just having fun

me watching the guy at subway make the subs

My worst fear is that I’ll have my phone in my hand while pulling down my pants to go to the bathroom and my phone will snap a pic of my naked butt and upload it to all my social medias

Dakota thought the 26.2 and 13.1 bumper stickers were promoting radio stations lmao

i say “hitting the hay” bc at heart i am a little country runaway who sneaks into barn attics to sleep on a bed of straw and shares his oatcake with two piglets named Nickels and May

staples got a mascot!

can’t stop thinking about what would happen if you gave a sour skittle to a pilgrim. it would ruin their life

Gonna make one of those YouTube videos where it’s like 10 hours of soothing rain in a cabin in the woods- but like at hour 6, once you’re deep asleep, a man bangs on the window screaming “YOU’VE GOTTA LET ME IN, SOMEONE’S CHASING ME”

LoFi hip-hop beats to weep/gnash teeth to

I don’t care that you have an Android phone. when I look at your screen everything looks crunchy, even the font looks crunchy. makes me sick

You know on the bachelorette how the players arrive to a group date and the bachelorette is always doing some “impressive” activity and they’re all like woahhh. If it was me, they’d show up and I’d just be dressed like Beetlejuice & also doing a too-good impression of Beetlejuice

the cdc says you can’t take all the fully loaded nachos and leave like just chips like 𝙟⋃𝖲ϯ ⅽ𐌷༏𝒑𝖲 and maybe one lil nugget of meat

do you think the spice in Dune is chili powder

The mom cat from Aristocrats was on one. If someone offered my kids something called “crème de la crème a la Edgar” i’d be like. don’t eat that kids

no longer permitted to speak to the elderly as i told the nice old man selling olive oil at the farmers market that i “love a good caprese moment”

Blue Lives Matter (Tiff’s Treats)

ever since i was young i knew i wanted to be on the computer

new 8 word sad story just dropped

coming off of my SSRIs so i know exactly what Mark S. is feeling