PUPPYM FACT: puppym has arrived at the 2023 Met Gala.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym is wearing the skin of karl lagerfeld.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym tripped jason derulo on the stairs at the Met Gala!

PUPPYM FACT: puppym’s soul is the same color and viscosity as jjajangmyeon.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym’s favorite drink is a molotov cocktail.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym cannot throw very well on account of not having elbows. he is a lighter.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym is gritty’s celebrity crush. it’s a parasocial relationship.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym saw goody proctor with the devil.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym has been systematically collecting and privatizing every photograph of han jisung as a baby. they will never see the light of day. happy children’s day.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym was a baby before photography was invented.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym stole all of the british monarchy’s tiaras. he’s going to give them to the countries the british colonized as reparations.

PUPPYM FACT: between the juvenile and adult stages of puppym’s life cycle, he goes through metamorphosis in a chrysalis. like a butterfly, all of his dna melts together, but he maintains all of his memories upon reemergence.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym is a playable character in mario kart. he is impervious to blue shells

PUPPYM FACT: puppym would still love you if you were a worm.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym would love you more if you were an amorphous blob, actually

PUPPYM FACT: puppym has daddy issues. if you couldn’t already tell.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym knows every surprise song that will be played during the eras tour.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym is not bound to any laws or treaties for the next 30 days*. 🏳️‍🌈 *he isn’t for the other 334, either, but he and the authorities agree on these 30 because he extorted them.

PUPPYM FACT: puppym got into the hall of fame first.