All customers over the age of 60 are now required to wear Depends while shopping, you can find them on aisle 6.

We aren't doing any Black Friday deals, fuck off.

“Blake Ryan: I'm officially coach Blake!” The next Sandusky.

End of the World sale starting 12/22/12 because the world will be over before you see good prices at The Village Market.

Spice up your holiday party with some festive treats #whydowesellspotteddick

The Mayan apocalypse is no excuse to miss work tomorrow you little fuckers better show up.

You can't buy beer or butts with your Christmas bonus but you can trade them to the grocery department for weed.

We would be open tomorrow but the law says Jim can't force people to work Christmas Day.

If there is any kid opening presents from the Village Market toy section I really feel so bad for you. Cause you got fucked...

We have a entire aisle devoted to cleaning supplies yet there is dirt and dust everywhere, Steve really needs to step his maid game up.

Shit just got real...

Jim is crossing his fingers hoping that bitch blows up so he can collect insurance and get away from that shit hole.

Shit popping off in da Vmart break room yo, Steve brought da beers kid.

We got all your Super Bowl party needs at the Village Market, that is if you want stale chips and skunked beer.

Don't fuck with Carlos, he's got brass knucks. #showandtellwithvmartcustomers

All essential survival supplies are now triple price, supply and demand motherfuckers.

It's not like I wanted to leave anyway. #trapped

Steve it's your day off go home Tommy can handle himself, you guys can hold hands later at coffee corner.

10 cent raises for everyone that drops out of college to keep working. We will even throw in a few 5 dollar gift cards...please