it’s always the loser prescriptions that are ready for pick up at CVS. like i don’t even want that one

The Trader Joe's cashiers are using their secret bell language to talk shit about me again

Case Update: The Baby Jesus figurine reported stolen from the Old Town Square Nativity scene four days ago was today anonymously dropped off at Poudre Fire Authority Station #1 in Fort Collins, along with an apology note (12/19). No further information has been obtained about the

2025 being a Quarter Quell year ugh 🙄

me as a detective: ok wait omg

Being super smug about the TikTok ban not affecting me because I waste 8 hours on my phone in other superior ways

watching all of them squirm in their seats is very satisfying. this was extremely badass and immaculately delivered

I love women because they are either thinking about skincare or political revolution

how i feel when i see pics of bianca censori

Passing this bag down to my future daughter who will also later pass it down to her daughter and so on

you know when you’ve been waiting for a good reason not to like someone? yeah

Trying to think of a historical parallel here, sit tight

There are croissants out there that will change your entire outlook on life

me when they showed Anne Hathaway

jus got back to the hotel to find this video 😂😂😂😭😭 I love him sm 💀💀💀 thee short king 😩😂

White people with freckles, welcome to the resistance

That should do it

Today I’m thinking of the ancient sacred text

guess who stopped the music

“Sorry I missed your email. I was making sure Gayle King survived”