And your mom is a whore.

Not me.

File this on the “No one gives a fuck” cabinet.

Alex, I’ll take things that never happened for $300.

I’m looking forward to Donald J. Trump going to trial and proving his innocence.

This guy…

I don’t have all the answers, but thanks for asking.

Florida: Come for the oppressive heat, stay for the oppressive politics.

Alex, I’ll take things that never happened for $400.

Four hours in the bathroom…Dude, make the lie believable.

Alex, I’ll take stories that never happened for $100.

You really wrote Who allowed a grown up to paddle board while possibly drunk? Great observation numb nuts.

Vision Quest

Hello pot, meet kettle.

Scorching hot take…The Noles will be bowl eligible this year. #FSUFootball

Colorado may go for 100 against Colorado St. #primetime

.Pure Leaf Might be time to stop drinking Pure Leaf Tea. Wondered why the tea had a bit of a wang to it. Didn’t see that funk until after I took a drink.

Fixed my aunts iPad and then became her emergency contact. Next stop, sainthood.

I’m identifying as the French pole vaulter.

This Abdul?