“The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord.” Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. “Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.”

Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again.

They think all writing is magic. Words worry them. See their swords? They glow blue in the presence of lawyers.

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them.

See a pin and pick it up, and, all day long, you'll have a pin.

There are many horrible sights in the multiverse. Somehow, though, to a soul attuned to the subtle rhythms of a library, there are few worse sights than a hole where a book ought to be.

I’m a witch. It’s what we do. When it’s nobody else’s business, it’s my business.

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.

But here's some advice, boy. Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.

They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?

“You'd like Freedom, Truth, and Justice, wouldn't you, Comrade Sergeant?” said Reg encouragingly. “I'd like a hard-boiled egg,” said Vimes, shaking the match out.

“That's one form of magic, of course.” “What, just knowing things?” “Knowing things that other people don't know.”

Sam Vimes once arrested 𝑚𝑒 for treason (...) Sam Vimes once arrested a dragon. Sam Vimes stopped a war between nations by arresting two high commands. He’s an arresting fellow, Sam Vimes. Sam Vimes killed a werewolf with his bare hands, and carries law with him, like a lamp–

Victor thought about the—the Cthinema. And the first house, which had been going on for thousands of years. And all the people he knew, sitting there, for another thousand years. While overhead the stars changed.

For a witch stands on the very edge of everything, between the light and the dark, between life and death, making choices, making decisions so that others may pretend no decisions have even been needed.

It's like chess, you know. The Queen saves the King.

If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

“You'd like Freedom, Truth, and Justice, wouldn't you, Comrade Sergeant?” said Reg encouragingly. “I'd like a hard-boiled egg,” said Vimes, shaking the match out.

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.