Here, but mentally I’m at the ‘96 Pizza Hut soft-serve dessert bar.

Proof that playing competitive board games on date night never ends well:

Judging #Oscar outfits from home, in the t-shirt I got for free from a case of beer:

Years of online shopping experience has led me to believe that Tom Hanks didn’t open the last box in Castaway because he knew it was a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign:

What the remaining 1/5 dentists recommends instead of toothpaste:

I’m not saying I know who Banksy is, I’m just saying we haven’t heard from Anne Geddes in a while.

Any jacket is reversible if you just don’t care enough.

Being drunk and on my phone in my 20s: texting an ex In my 30s: signed up to cuddle a panda in China, without pre-existing plans to travel to China.

Live. Laugh. Lasagna.

Message received Universe 🥂:

Being absolutely humbled by children’s drawings of me: A Series

Facebook Memories are a great reminder that I still have a lot of things on Facebook that I should probably delete.

If I had dated John Mayer the song would be “Your Body Is a Pizza Hut”.

I’m a little disappointed that my former French teachers weren’t asked to perform at the Paris opening ceremonies.

Hair stylist: “and what are we doing today?” Me: “I’ll take an Olympic Bob”

I’d be so much better off if Amazon required a breathalyzer.

k, but how do goalies not cry after letting a goal in?

Don’t do anything half-assed. Do it full-assed.

The Jurassic Park fence builder:

I'd rather apply for a job and work at the store than ask a sales associate for help.