I want to open a barbers offering very basic haircuts but these things are never cut and dry

sheev

hi joanna

A haiku: I can’t text you back I am stuck inside a boat On the Suez Canal

Chutney Spears. Is that anything?

*cooking rice* . . . . . . . . . . *borat voice* my rice

A haiku: Oven is not clean Oven will never be clean Grill smells like burnt cheese

- best wireless ear buds for big ear holes *refines search* - big earhole earphones *refines* - good headphones ear suction *perfects* - wobble-free earpods to plug gaping ear hole

Imagine seeing a spider in your toothbrush holder. You can have that one for free Stephen King

rounding up the boys and saying “it’s dry hands season fellas” they hoot and holler as I break out the prescription strength moisturiser and we slather up

triangles are called doritoids now, I don’t make the rules

Giving a tour of my house and saying “this is where the magic happens” in every room

Gert Britane tbh

…while Rishi Sunak broods on Dragonstone. Is this anything?

guy named John getting hit in the nads: “ow my johnitals”

Credit: Mark Jaeger

*mouth full of crisps* I love crisps

I can’t wait for Spider-Man to trade quips with Star-Lord and also for the Vision to be executed with prejudice #InfinityWarTrailer

Here is my wishlist for Avengers Infinity War: - cool fight scenes - Baby Groot - graphic executions of extraneous characters (i.e. Vision, Hawkeye, Captain America, Iron Man, etc)