Amazon Prime Day is here which means I get crescent rolls 20% off. Thanks Pillsbury. After my afternoon range sesh I’m going to plop my happy ass on the couch tonight, pound 28 crescent rolls and throw heavy heat on the NL in the MLB All Star Game #freemoney

Tournament week for yours truly. I’m prepping by guzzling brewchachos and hitting dick missiles on the range. I feel sorry for the rest of the field because they’re going to get waxed #GOAT

Can’t believe a midget won the British Open. I could wax BH in golf with an arm tied behind my back. He can’t see over the steering wheel whenever he drives #blind #midget #chump

Don’t mind me I’m packing lynny zyns and railing 10’s #GOAT

Fair is around the corner and I’m rounding in to mid-summer form as I’m crushing a 12er without even catching a buzz #lightwork

You can’t go up to a cabin in the mountains without crescent rolls #cardinalsin

I don’t even pack bombs anymore, but I still date moms #signsofthetimes #missmychawparties

Who the fuck am I gonna marry in less than two years? A beer can?

Finally done with #works season. Thanks to the American Patriots out there who came to the stand to support and blow up some fireworks. With that said, I’m flush with cash and looking for some mommies to plow #cashdaddy

Xander Shauffelee couldn’t hold a candle to the 2 iron piss missile I blessed the golf course with today #money

Been scouting the farm for this coming deer season and there are some absolute #toads on property. Buckle up because Pillsbury is getting himself a trophy toad this season #toadwhisperer

I could do the double dozen in 30 minutes #12beers #12donuts #0fucks and still be more coherent than Joe Biden

#TBT to when I captured the 2017 Crescent Roll Cup

On my way to the links this AM. Bout to drop more bombs than Operation Midnight Hammer #Hammertime

Fireworks szn

It’s hotter than a freshly fucked fox in a pepper patch

On the links this AM: I haven’t made a birdie since Moby Dick was a minnow