Me, standing on the deck of the Titanic moments after it strikes the iceberg. “Folks. Folks. Calm down. Calm down. There’s no need to panic. The #DowJones is at $90! $90! Why isn’t anyone talking about this? That’s what you should be talking about!”

“let’s get on a quick call” Me:

Don't be afraid to spend money on traveling. Be afraid of growing old and realizing that the only place you ever went was to work.

“Oh, neat. One of my favorite musicians is playing at one of my favorite venues.” * checks tickets prices * “Nevermind.”

I once paid hundreds of dollars to see U2 at the Sphere and it was one of the best shows of my life. I would hesitate to pay $20 to watch a U2 cover band. This is the problem with AI.

how tf subway gonna ask me for a tip, bro we made this sandwich together tf

hearing all the stars while the black panther credits were rolling for the first time was a top 5 theater experience

I honestly hate that we've normalized the idea that all opinions are valid. I think we should get back to telling ppl that they are ill informed & ignorant.

I love using FileZilla Pro because at least a dozen times per year, they'll force an update of "important" things like letting users know that now "Official binaries are now lined against GnuTLS 3.8.12." Oh thank goodness. I don't know how I would've lived with myself otherwise.

Mea culpa.

It better not rain a single weekend this summer with what we’ve had to deal with this winter.

Stop it 😂😂😂

We have lost a decade of our life to an evil moron...a fool and loser. An Idiot! One of the most racist and dumbest humans on the planet. 10 years.

It's my First Amendment right to tell you and this entire administration to go fuck themselves

you do not hate congress enough

Secretary Kennedy If I want my fucking drink to have 5000 g of sugar, it’s none of your motherfucking business.

reservations are so embarrassing like hi i’m here for my spaghetti appointment

I need to get back in shape, but I’m kind of waiting to see if the world ends before I put any real effort in. 💪

The absolute audacity of Netflix man. Fucking company has the balls to charge $18 per month for a "standard plan" that features, according to their own website, "Unlimited ad-free movies, TV shows, and games" and they still put ads on WWE. You've gotta be kidding me.

Democrats should not be cutting the gas tax. They should not be advocating for emptying the SPR. They should do nothing. The American people have been shielded from the consequences of their actions long enough. I hope gas goes to five dollars a gallon. We deserve it.