How is a guy supposed to take a nap in his car during lunch hour if people keep knocking on the window saying things like "are you ok?" and "you're rolling down a hill."

[first date] me: i’ve got butterflies my stomach [3 days earlier] me: i wonder what these caterpillars taste like

That should stop her scratching

uh it's called a guitar

I'm very lucky to have friends in high places and very unlucky to suffer from vertigo.

Who decided to call it a Concert Hall and not a Melodrome?

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend Friend: wow thanks. I'm rich! Robin [narrows eyes]: you’re what

Who decided to call it a saw and not a chopstick?

Making final adjustments to the next tune from The Outside Chances. A bit groovy, a bit rocky; it sounds a bit like this. If you listen to your music on a single Auratone speaker, it sounds exactly like this! #groove #rock #theoutsidechances #auratone

me: Gary, plse hand me the vial of ultra contagious lethal virus with no known cure Gary, who up until now has never dropped anything: ok

I bought a really good fridge magnet today. By the time I got it home it was covered in fridges!