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make parties more interesting by telling strangers “I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here”

I don’t understand people saying they wouldn’t wish kindergarten homeschool on their worst enemies. This is *exactly* the sort of thing I’d wish on my enemies. I can’t imagine a more perfect vengeance.

🖤

Big day for complete sentences.

“Have you seen the new spring Ringwraith collection?”

Happy (almost) V-Day to my best guy. Not only did you deftly talk me out of sending a box of clown porn to the family home of the Baptist church directory photographer who (in 2004) suggested I “get on my knees for God,” you also published the pic. #blessed #goals #valentine #tbt

I have bad luck in airplanes. If you see me on your flight, you should get off the plane and take a different one, because some shit is going down. I’ve been in emergency landings; I’ve flown to the wrong airport; I’ve been in a brawl because a guy objected to my CBC T-shirt.

“Seventeen-year-old woman.”

I love the news.

“I am the son and the heir of a numbness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir … of nothing, in particular.” - Morissey (mostly)

The #Olympics’ loss is a mental health gain.

The private school that Ted Cruz’s kids attend is requiring masks The private school that Ron DeSantis’s kids attend is requiring masks Why are OUR KIDS not deserving of the same protection? Hmm???

Don’t talk to strangers, kids. Unless it’s an old man who never changes clothes and promises gifts. Then sit on his lap and tell him secrets. #andtoallagoodnight

If there is such a thing as dark grace, it exists in the space between my outstretched hand and that of the SWAT team member, who escorted my son on his last day of kindergarten.

“Sailing” by Christopher Cross reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 on this day in 1980. The song went on to win Grammys for Record of the Year, Song of the Year and Arrangement of the Year. Personnel includes Victor Feldman and Michael Omartian. It is essential yacht rock.

On Sandoval and Raquel saying they want to “be together.” #PumpRules

Coming soon … #4224 Sociopath: A Memoir a.co/d/9AKHnsF