Let’s all go round to Shane’s place, mon ami. - Shane who? - Oh, I didn’t realise you live with him. #LunchPun

We weren’t really prepared for an evening of Oscar Wilde’s overtly sexual witticisms. - We are all in a stutter, but some of us are looking aghast. #LunchPun

I usually insist on four sardines in a sandwich but my dietician says I need a meagre three . #lunchpun

Instead of an alarm clock, I’m woken each morning by a Scottish manager kicking footballs at me. - Moyes to rise daily? - No, only when my skin is dry. #LunchPun

… There is no global warming! - Nonsense. What planet are you on? [after a 20-minute delay] … - Mars. #LunchPun

On principle, I have to take legal action against the lord of the manor who has taken possession of my metallic knight outfit, despite me reluctantly raising my hat to him. - Sue toff farmer? - Yes, and uphold the sore doff justice. #LunchPun

I’ve had the musical scores for all my favourite dances bound into a single volume, but I’ve dropped my cream tea all over it. It appears I’ve clotted my boppy book. #LunchPun

The radioactive isotope iron-59 was named after its discoverer, FeLIX. #LunchPun

Then they came for the sarcastic people and I was like oh great that's exactly what we need right now well done to all concerned.

David Paich, have you had any interesting holiday romances? - Well, I felt Lorraine down in Africa. #LunchPun

Leyton Orient tend to select footballers who are heavily built and who enjoy romantic music by French composers. Burly Os mostly. #LunchPun

Based on the favourite meals of Gingrich, Nixon and Gore, I’ve developed a Newt, Rich ‘n’ Al diet. #LunchPun

If you prepare supper by mixing sizzling ingredients from the microwave with others from the fridge, you’ll find heat flows spontaneously from the hot to the cold. That’s the second law of thermo dinner mix. #LunchPun

So you’re saying that I, a podcasting tartan-clad punster, can double my efficiency just by changing how I speak? - Yes, kilt-tube wordsmith, one’s tone. #LunchPun

I've bought a faulty cuckoo clock which unfortunately chimes "to-whit-to-whooo". Does the bird still appear? Yes, owly. #LunchPun

I joined a Welsh male voice choir because they sing “Bread of Heaven” with a nice manna. #LunchPun

Elite award winning journalists may excel, but they are also a massive threat to your follicles- As indicated by their multiple Pull It’s Hair Prizes #badjokethursday #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Times are tough for sculptors like me, so I’ve accepted an unusual commission from Kenneth’s girlfriend. I’m finding it hard to make Ken’s meat. #LunchPun