"When I become an Engineer I'm going to stamp a paper and be like YEAH. I certified that bitch"

"I am not a buddy. I'm an RA!"

"One time I ate 100 chicken nuggets while inebriated"

"So there I was hot dog in one hand, dignity falling out the other"

"Aaaaaaaaallllllliiiiyaaaaaaahhhhhhh"

"I would never hit a woman, but ill slap a hoe"

"Hey what's the spiciest thing on the menu here?" "................. You"

"Why should single people take entire booths, I mean go in your room, eat, and cry yourself to sleep"

"When you're born a James you die a James." "When you're born a Bruce you die a Caitlyn"

"I was a pornstar in a past life"

"I don't understand why people are against GMOs. I mean, like, we're all genetically modified."

"Doesn't she look thick and milky?" "...... Sure Kev. Sure."

"They're like sheep because they're pussies." "They're a herd*

#PrayForVegas

"You showed the TA domestic abuse between snowmen?"

"Could have been at Harvard serving jits but idgaf"

"UNR has the highest birthrate because of me"

"What would you call a native American stripper? Idk dances with dicks?"

"I think i need to go to bed early tonight for class tomorrow, im thinkin 12 or 1"

"Nice shoes... I'm saying this because we have the same shoes. What a coinkydink!"