“book a $7 round trip flight to miami. wear a mask. bring a condom. wash your hands like you’re about to scrub in for a surgery on grey’s anatomy. drink tequila to kill germs. coronavirus is not stopping you from having a good time. you catch cheap flights, not feelings.”

“The River isn’t green this year, his texts shouldn’t be either.”

“coronavirus scare is just like regular dating in chicago. text for a few days, send nudes, pretend to make plans you won’t commit to. lose interest. the only difference is the amount of hand sanitizer.”

“coronavirus and urlacher must have the same publicist.”

“that ‘sorry just seeing this’ text hits different when you finally give him a chance after 7months of blowing him off.”

just got done video chatting with my date on Bumble. she said she was “looking for a daddy” so i rose to the occasion. let’s just say she was impressed #BumblePartner

🦠QUARANTINE GIVEAWAY ALERT 🦠⠀ Your GrubHub order history is showing. ⠀ We've partnered with drinkbasic to give away a quarantined survival kit! ⠀ “Survival of the Seltzer; This kit is anything but BASIC”⠀ ⠀ 📦… instagram.com/p/B-ciezSJlBF/…

i’m not saying “lol” anymore i’m saying “laugh out loud” i got time to type it out

“You’re 5ft11 away from me, not 6ft, trust me, i date men in Chicago, so I can tell.”

“grocery shopping during quarantine is a lot like waiting in line for a club in chicago. one in one out. except it’s trader joe’s, and you can’t just cut the line because you know the owner.”

We'd love your help as part of "Chicago Supports Everybody", 100% of the proceeds are helping Chicago hospitality workers in need. Make a donation at chicagosupports.com and thanks to everyone involved 🙌 @OlaughlinGC Brandon Paul George Savaricas Chief

Tonight at 5 & 10 on CBS Chicago: Gurnee native and Illinois Men's Basketball alum Brandon Paul is helping Chicago hospitality workers in need (with chicagosupports.com) as he sees his own @Euroleague season canceled. Brandon Paul Overheard in Chicago Warren Township H.S. George Savaricas

chicago guys be like “I know a spot” and then wait for you to pay for the uber.

Just posted a photo @ Chicago, Illinois instagram.com/p/CCEGy6VpKDy/…

We had a blast #sippin this weekend with the Overheard in Chicago giveaway winners 😎 #sippymask #linkinbio #chicago #facemask

“Can’t win em all” Bro I would like to win at least one

Chicago Field Museum Director Uses Titanosaur Skull To Hold Parking Space In Snow bit.ly/3sXtq3w

You gotta respect the city of Chicago’s dedication to fleecing its residents. Issuing parking tickets in a blizzard is what separates us from the pack. Overheard in Chicago Barstool Chicago

Ok but why is it always Belly’s birthday? #TheSummerITurnedPretty