You ever wake up from the auto pilot like OH FUCK

All I want for my bday is a spiropapa and that’s what I’ll fucking get

I’m gonna see MCR tomorrow and prolly sob the whole time

As a reminder, given today's student loan cancellation announcement, there's no immediate action needed on your part. You can view information at StudentAid.gov/debtrelief.

My 8yo had the audacity to ask me why I cross my legs when I sneeze. You, dude. You are the reason.

My mum told me overdressing is her default because one day she went to the shops looking bummy and bumped into someone she knew. That person called her sisters in Nigeria and told them they should tell my mum to return to Nigeria because she looked like she was suffering💀

With my whole heart I wish I could fucking sing

I need someone from The Witcher team to leak everything I am simply too nosy what kind of shit do you have to pull to make a LEAD ACTOR leave lmaooo

don't skip ur hoe phase. it will come back and haunt u when ur married.

Incase you didn’t already know I’m here to assure you there is nothing you can do or say to convince a Hispanic mother that her baby boy is in the wrong. Nothing. Don’t bother.

Y’all need to let Snapchat go fr

Maybe it’s 32, maybe it’s having a kid, but I’m not coming to your 8pm dinner invite. HONEY, that is when I’m putting on face creams, I’m dimming the lights, the bra is off, the pen has been hit, I’m putting on The Office. Blue Haired Specials only.

BREAKING: After a school said it will allow religious after-school programs, they are now forced under the law to permit the “After-School Satan Club.”

queen alert

there’s just something so attractive abt ppl who aren’t conventionally attractive idk

When my daughter starts to fuss I just hand her my sunglasses and say Wassssuuuupp and she just goes 956 and forgets why she was mad

If we made the police academy a 4-year program I bet we'd get rid of a lot of the "bad apples." I don't understand how a lawyer has to go to school for 8 years to understand the law enough to practice it, but it only takes 6 months to learn it enough to enforce it.