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me waiting for the call to fight to go to voicemail so i can keep texting some total piece of shit

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

We stopped getting slizzard, as a country

Me every time I see a story of someone at that man’s concert.

How many cover photos did they take before they went oooh yeah that’s the one

Big gust of wind just flung the dog off ‘his’ lounger and I knew I always believed in karma. Laughing bad here

Been the vets. She’s mugged me right off. Eating ham and making me look like a right wanker. Bin

Moments of gold AND flashes of light? In this economy, Celine?

There are no lies here

There are atleast 3 portions left 🐷 😩

My folks spend their retirement volunteering their time, looking after the grandkids and have spent their entire lives in public service and in giving their voice to the voiceless. This is the heart of who’s being proscribed today. They’re the majority. This country is a joke

“Still an issue.” Like you’re describing a leaky shower head or a slightly loud fridge. Sublime

Just cleaned out the filter in the washing machine as it wasn’t draining

MY WIFE:We named you after our favorite songs. You were mine LAYLA: I love that ME: And you mine THEME FROM DUCKTALES: No, yeah, I figured