this Chris D'Elia shit is wild, but I guess it's always the first person you suspect

It would be a huge shame if these many pictures of Donald J. Trump with child sex-trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell throughout the years started trending.

"[Homeless people] aren't sanctioned to exist in physical form in very many places in the community. Until we shift that, all we're doing is continuing a story of displacement," Dumont said.

I want to know who it was at the Four Seasons Landscaping that —answered the phone —heard that the Trump campaign wanted to hold a press conference in his parking lot —realized they had mistaken him for a hotel —Looked at an invisible documentary camera —said, “Absolutely.”

Plot twist: Taylor Swift’s All Too Well (10 Minute Version) isn’t about Jake G. It’s actually a fictional response to Konstantine by Something Corporate.

"I don't want to go to the bathroom without being on my phone. That's for peasants."

Breaking my silence to ask you how to respond to the question "How's it going??" when you just got really bad news and also your fish died last weekend. Seeking recommendations.

Just played the word KALE in online scrabble and I feel so in my body right now. This is me in my truest form.

Just finished writing an article about the top 5 neighborhoods in Colorado Springs ... and the temptation to write about the reported hauntings was way stronger than I ever could have anticipated.

Oh to be a fly on the wall while the Talkind Heads wrote the lyrics for This Must Be The Place. 😍

Wondering where the hell her lasagna is.

Giving Nelson attitude is my favorite pastime.

Tomorrow I have a Pap smear immediately followed by the draining of my yearly savings, aka a tax appointment with my accountant. Keep me in your thoughts, thx.

Him: How’s your afternoon going? Me: Stupid I hate it. No response yet. Weird.

The bar is so low for guys that Prince Harry tells his fiancé that she “looks amazing” at THEIR WEDDING and girls are like “Where can I find a guy like that?!”

I rarely retweet things so you know I really liked that thing I just retweeted.