hey this is CVS. we filled your prescription. can u come pick it up in the next 17 seconds or should we light it on fire in the parking lot

everybody goes through a panera bread phase and it’s so fucking terrifying when you’re in it

“Do you want to have kids?” “Nah. I’m trying to reduce my trauma footprint.”

“When can I have grandchildren” ummm best I can do is having an SSRI and a cat

apparently a LOT of you need to hear this. if you’re planning on seeing my policeman in theaters please check yourself & your priorites before hand. my experience watching the film in theaters was the worst movie-going experience i have ever had. during every single scene of (1)

“harry styles and olivia wilde have split after nearly 2 years together”

She's excited because she matches her new blankie

Hitting your child as a form of discipline is abuse 100% of the time and proves you don’t have the communication skills needed to be an effective parent

Roman soldier trying to describe elephants to fellow citizens after encountering them for the first time, 280 BC (colorized):