if he loved you he’d smuggle in a peruvian puff pepper to make you a salsa

fuck you and your stupid fucking face.

hey Food Network give me o n e good reason to show the chopped contestants’ reactions before showing us who got chopped 😤

we joked about this house my entire childhood and now mark hamill is tweeting about it i love the internet

I can explain. I kept my face. I hope that clears things up. ❤️

It might be the 10-year-old in me, but my favorite Technolutions command is FORCE EXECUTE. It's so wonderfully aggressive.

I’m on Reddit guys. Remember, Rampart questions only.

try “where the hell have you been, loca?!?” and maybe i’ll buy a sandwich Schlotzsky's Deli

introducing my Thursday night plans Misha Collins

"IT'S MY TIME!" Carlos Correa | #ForTheH

And the WINNER of #TheVoice is… 🥁

me when I’m 75: is he in our grade

If being in every Jackass movie, xXx, Police Academy 4 and Sharknado 5 doesn’t qualify me to present at the Oscars, then your taste in movies needs readjusting.

posting on instagram stories is so fucking weird until you have a crush and then it becomes Your Life’s Work

look Pandora ily, been loyal since 2010, but there is absolutely no reason for me to not be able to sort my collected songs on the app by anything other than when they were added. pls fix.

History.

Yeah, sure.

Congratulations on working 40 hours! You are now free to dissociate for 2 days