one time a girl was impressed that i own a couch

girls think i’m dodging them when really i’m high at the house playing baldurs gate

6:30 pm at my bar and some girl falls and busts her face open. there is a fire truck and an ambulance

u ever just pee hard for no reason

conductor we have a problem

no itunes i don’t want to listen to spooky black or boards of canada at the gym

just packed my bags at the grocery store like rainman

i don’t even smoke the pre rolls anymore smh just load it in the bong

tin cup on the prison bars kinda night

contrary to popular belief, i’m not required to wear a helmet everywhere i go

He forgot to turn his aim assist off 💀

“my roommate walked in on me singing the national anthem”

tootsie rolls is just poop gum

my friend told me her coworker had to put her pet turtle down. i asked if it was a slow death, no laughs. i can’t live like this anymore

can you go to jail for sexy harassment tho?

no tiendes nigga

caitlyn clark vs paige beckers 1v1 who you got?