Ok go on then @LidlGB what do you recommend I enjoy my ONE SINGLE chipolata sausage with as a "serving"?... 😂 Got to be having a laugh with that surely!

Reports of people waiting on hold for over an hour for a GP appointment due to this crowdstrike global IT outage... Oh wait no sorry that was before the IT outage

Seems like this cartoon I drew of Russell Brand nearly 10 years ago is still relevant by the looks of things...

He gets knocked down, but he gets up again...

Alexa, show me where Prince Andrew will end up living when he finally gets kicked out of Royal Lodge...

"I'm warning you with peace & love that any parking tickets after this date will be TOSSED!" Geoff Lloyd

So James Cleverly is out of the Tory leadership contest because Grant Shapps miscounted the number of tactical votes he was getting... I can only presume Shapps accidentally included all of his alter-egos as separate voters and was surprised Michael Green didn't get a ballot

...and instead wins 2nd prize in a beauty contest

And remember children, if the smoke is white, they've elected a new Pope. If the smoke is black he's ripped up the woke leftie eco agenda and gone back to burning tyres to power the Vatican

Don't forget if the smoke is white, they've elected a new Pope. If it's pink and smells of strawberry, they've turned the Vatican into a Vape Shop

I have never heard those two be described as 'credible sources' before...

If anyone lost a clearly much loved soft toy elephant on a Thameslink at St Pancras St. Pancras International this morning (Sat 2nd August) at about 10:43 we handed it into the Thameslink gateline man upstairs - hoping it finds its owner!

.Stagecoach South East if you're missing a bus seat, there appears to be one halfway up East Hill in Dartford... #lostproperty

I see the company that bought "TG Jones" and Hobby Craft have now bought Claire's Accessories... We're one step closer to the dream of a one stop shop where you can get your ears pierced whilst eating overpriced out of date chocolate and painting a giant cardboard giraffe!

What a find in Sainsbury's this morning - a great price for a whole Jamie Oliver. Should feed most of the family for Christmas I reckon

Fella off the pet shop boys looking like Andy Bush in his big coat on #TOTP 1986

Bloody hell and they think the Dartford Crossing toll is high - the local Facebook groups would have a field day...