“Dring dring! H-hh-hhhhh…Dring! Hhh-hh-h hello? Look, who is this? Just don't hurt the kid, okay? Eddie, Eddie, it's him again, he's got Janie! Switch on the tape recorder!"

“Here he comes...here he comes...and he's out! No, no hang on, no, he's back in again. Oh! She's closed the curtains. How's the cricket going?”

“Are you calling me a liar?” “No. I’m calling you a tosser.”

“Oh CHRIST…Dave Hedgehog and Spudgun…”

“Are you on the list? I mean you'd do. You're a bit ragged 'round the edges but beggars can't be choosers. Did I tell you that's a smashing blouse you've got on?” “No.” “Oh, here goes then: That's a smashing blouse you've got on!”

“Get two? WILD MAN!”

“Pork?”

“You see, what I want to know is...” “Uh, uh.” “Why, when you say 'trick or treat'.” “Yeah.” “He has to foul himself.” “Well, I think it may be a deep subconscious desire to amuse.”

“Charming flat.” “Oh, d'you think so? Oh, this is just my London pomme-de-terre.”

“It’s a…it’s another Brussel sprout.”

“Hey, did you ever get your lighter back?” “No, they kept it for the inquest.” “Oh did they, uhh. Oh but she was a sweet-heart wasn't she! Hey, do you remember her last words?” “Oh Mister Hitler, do you know anything about gas leaks?”

“How do you know these things?” “I'm Death!” “Sorry. HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?” “No, I'm Death! I'm Death!”

“We haven’t got all night. We’ve got the WHOLE street to do…”

“Errr…called Dave…”

Cripes…

“No sweets…just cash!”

“Damn! You get me every time!”

“Right, well I’ve inputted your data.”

“Hello Amal, how’s the kebab business?”

“VD, VD, VD…”