"Age" is not a number, it's a word.

An STD is not a good birthday present.

Using "airplane mode" does not turn your phone into an airplane.

Your chances of getting into an accident increase significantly when you drive on the wrong side of the road.

Research shows that 100% of people reading this tweet aren't dead.

Bananas cannot legally drive vehicles in the United States.

Sunscreen will not work if you eat it.

It's easier to see the sun during the daytime than it is at night.

Cats and children should not be kept in the refrigerator.

A human is not a tree.

If you pour water on your hands you have wet hands.

If you keep your socks dry they won't get wet.

Your funeral will not start without you.

It's not 4th of July anymore.

Studies have shown that people who have experienced more birthdays tend to be older.

You have a 0% chance of turning into a hippo within the next year.

fav if u missed me

it's about to be 3 years since my disappearance, does anyone miss me so i can come back

Spiders cannot fly and we should all be very happy about that.

Unsharpened pencils are pointless.