I listened to BTB so much I genuinely had a dream I was on it but every time Sophie Rae Lichterman spoke Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) interrupted by screaming "WHAT'S TENDER MY LOINS" until she stopped talking, and it ended when she killed him with a machete and made an episode about herself killing him.

Sorry I can't go to work today, my girlfriend dreamed we broke up and I need to reassure her for 11 hours

Jolene Jolene Jolene Joleeeeene I'm begging of you please don't Jack my steez

If you ever wondered who they make the giant Portobello mushroom burgers for... It's me, I'm the guy that ruined vegetarian options until halloumi came along

They need to make an Enola Holmes style niece of the protagonist spinoff style movie but for John Wick

Whoever put "dignity" on a Pictionary card deserves at least a third of the blame for Milhouse's parents breaking up.

Someone needs to make a tool that searches your codebase for z-indexes and shrinks them down while maintaining ordering.

If you've never actually seen a castle with a moat outside of cartoons and movies Moats are *way* bigger than you're imagining, it's less like they dug a circular pond around a castle and more like they build the castle in the middle of a lake.

Billion dollar movie idea: Home Alone but instead of Macaulay Culkin it's the guy who killed Shinzo Abe and every trap is an an increasingly ridiculous homemade gun

All the "learn humanities" debates are just an overly specific version of the universal: "smart people in one field think they can shortcut learning the fundamentals of another before bringing new insights to it" problem. They just want to feel superior for choosing humanities.

Editing Wikipedia to fake having a source on your community note isn't against any community guidelines?

Player: Okay, I... *sarcastically checks notes* look, with my... *checks again* eyes. DM: Okay, roll perception Player: *rolls eyes*