Elon Musk always swipes right for authoritarian strongmen.

[Jimmy Buffet at a restaurant in Heaven]: I’ll have a taco please God: But…this is Paradise Jimmy: And? God: Don’t you want a cheeseburger? Jimmy: No, just a taco God: … Jimmy: … God: I’m sorry, I’ve just been looking forward to this moment & it’s not going as I hoped.

I can’t prove it, but I’m 95% certain my wife put the Wall Street Journal up to this 😂

There’s some fun irony in the fact that a foreigner has the task of keeping this stage full of xenophobic nutjobs in line #GOPDebate

Simba: It’s my fault my father died, I can never go home again, and I’ve lost everyone I ever loved. Timon & Pumba: ok, but have you tried just not worrying about it?

Family photos are like “here’s some pictures of us dressed and smiling which is not at all representative of what we’re actually like on a daily basis but the social contract between us requires you to say we’re adorable, perfect, and/or #goals, or society will literally crumble.

What if it turns out Kate is missing for a typical princess reason like a fairy turned her into a forest creature or made her very very small

I think more than anything else I’m just disappointed that messages of hate seem to hold so much sway in our country. It’s gotten to the point where it seems like compassion is viewed as weakness, and I just can’t wrap my head around that…

Wow, Tom Cruise finally got old. And here I thought being Scientology’s Jesus came with a better anti-aging crème. #SuperBowlLIX

Well, Travis, look at the bright side - no one writes songs about heartbreak and loss better than your girlfriend. #SuperBowlLIX

Just to be sure I’m tracking, we were BIG mad that Kamala was the democratic candidate because she wasn’t nominated, but we’re A-ok with a foreigner whose name has never appeared on ANY ballot being given unprecedented access & control over our government. Is that right? Cool 🙄

Is this what being great again feels like? Because I have to he honest it feels remarkably similar to losing all my money.

Oh…ok. I mean we kinda wanted you to take care of (gestures broadly at all the fires he started) some other stuff, but go Columbus Day. Wooooo.

I feel like as a general rule, nobody that posts in all caps should have access to the nuke codes.

I want to be clear that I would say this no matter which party was in power - It is absolutely batshit bonkers insane that the White House, the most powerful government institution in the world, has become a troll account.

In the midst of a world in turmoil, a James Harden game seven clunker is like a warm blanket - a welcome reminder that some things never change.

I—I’m not sure y’all realize what the red light saber means…

Trump wants to suspend habeas corpus, which protects your right to challenge unlawful convictions. This is who they are—putting people on busses in the middle of the night, holding them indefinitely w/o a chance to defend themselves. America as we know it hangs in the balance.

While I’m sad to see George Wendt go, the idea of all of Heaven shouting Norm! as he walks through the pearly gates is enough to put a smile back on my face. RIP, Norm.

You can be as old, or mature, or tough as you want, but the truth is you’re never more than one stubborn lash stuck in your eye from being a whining toddler again.