isn't it so funny when recovery turns into junk food addiction turns into weight gain turns into relapse

it's so hard to let go of an ed when deep down i'm always aware that i could lose the weight if i just.. stop eating

i'm having a v bad day :-(

i think my body and mind have agreed that i cannot get away with ignoring all of my problems and doing the bare minimum anymore

i was just thinking about how good of a day i was having a few minutes ago and then anxiety had to go and ruin it </3

i don’t know how i’m fat considering how physically demanding my job is

believe it or not it's possible to have an ed and not be fatphobic, you should try it <3

i want to be happy and healthy but i also want to look like i’m dying

i’m either gonna have a great day or a mental breakdown there is no in between

i’ve been a bit flaky with my therapist so she asked me if i want to take a break until i’m less busy... i was honestly thinking about seeing someone else for a while now bc i don’t feel like she’s helped me at all but i’m really fckn tired of therapist roulette:((

okay but like. rate my professor..... but for therapists

i said i had an eating disorder i never said i was good at it

my cousin just modeled for a celebrity’s brand and my little sister has grown up to be the hot one i want to scrub all evidence that i ever existed off the face of the earth

the days are starting to blend into each other again

i feel so fucking alone