If I still smoked… dream blunt rotation

I was on that bus!!

I love having a studio apartment bc when it’s quiet I can hear my cat piss 💕

Ok places that use military time… thoughts on the analog clock??

For once actually glad I can’t speak Spanish bc some plumbers came in the fix the toilet and I really don’t want to know what they’re giggling about in there

Y’all why do they glue actors buttcheeks together in movies/tv shows? Is the risk of showing hole really that much worse than showing schlong?

I wonder if my neighbors can hear me binging glee

Every time I do the dishes it is the greatest act of self love imaginable

How much whiter do you think I can get my teeth before my dentist appointment next Thursday

Tough news… discovered that the two women running the local coffee shop are not in fact lovers but sisters

Success. They told me whatever it is I’m doing keep doing it. Can’t wait to eat a bag of licorice and fall asleep on the couch tonight

Reading a British persons account of hedgehogs as beneficial garden predators.. I am suddenly and terribly heartbroken that I will never experience the delight of finding a hedgehog in my garden here in America

Arteries be damned, I believe in saturated fat supremacy!!

Omg just started going to therapy again, and my first thought after the session was that I talked too much about myself… we got some work to do 😮‍💨

Jam and toast as a reward for finishing my egg and toast

Sad, my charming flirtatious glances to the gal at the karaoke bar in hindsight was probably more like this

NO better feeling than being told by the coolest girl in the room that she digs your vibe

I’m sorry to say it folks, but I must be brave… the kiss is bad!! They look like two bad kissers smashin face!! 😔