when he says he’s into femmes but you’ve already undergone your protandric simultaneous hermaphroditism

i was just reading this article about how we should hang out and maybe grab lunch

rugs need to cost less. a thousand dollars just so when i spill it lands on something harder to clean than the floor

Luke is the best! I workshopped this piece in a group he leads and got a TON of great feedback

my five year plan? uhhhh see what goes on? check out what unfolds? watch what's wrought?

wrote this for you if you even care
medium.com/slackjaw/this-…

(first day as a campaign manager) you should be out there kissing hands and shaking babies

(inventing gargoyles) we should stick a willem dafoe up there

What if I told you that everything at the museum comes to life at night. And Ben Stiller is involved.

another banger tweet ruined by a spelling error in my first and only language

we need to domesticate the duolingo owl. i think they’d make great pets if we trained them to stop emailing you for not practicing italian

(trying to open up about the unbearable loneliness and dread i feel) bummer city. total bummer township over here. going huge bummer mo—

how it feels to be one year on t

“we need more sober queer spaces” i have great news about alcoholics anonymous

happy belated btw

wrote this for you if you even care medium.com/slackjaw/have-…

body feeling weird. going to have a little nicotine and a lot of caffeine and an advil and a lot of sushi. u know just to take control of the situation

guys this isn’t funny ok i actually majored in tortured poetry and minored in real eyes realize real lies

closing all my tabs after writing. goodbye image of a hamster water feeder. goodbye, google results for a word i’ve always know but want to make sure i used correctly. farewell, “weather in Montreal october”