was about an hour into this good movie, dwayne johnson had a cameo, you know how i feel about this, i closed the movie out and went for a run.

i ordered this cocktail and the bartender is like “it’s really spicy are you sure” and i’m like yeah totally. i took 2 sips and my lip is fucking shaking and i have goosebumps. how this is sold is beyond me

wdym i’m still required to work when my boss is on PTO

woke up in a sweat after being bombarded by fever dreams (I dreamt about don cheadle selling me a kia)

the UN should establish drank in my cup kirko bangz as the official anthem. idk feel like it could do a lot

got stung by another scorpion. that makes 5 stings now. but get this, 2 on the knees and 3 on the elbows. i wish i was making this up

not even 11 and i’m craving a reuben

he does this all day. just watches me. stares. judges.

me after realizing when i move i still have to stay at a friends place for 4 days before my lease begins.

i feel shame knowing that when i think of a celsius and a zyn in tandem makes me salivate.

rangers vs d backs, who do i support. The state i was born in that i remember nothing about. or the state i was raised in that also happens to have 4th ave.

Praying the GTA 6 map drops and it’s just Tucson, AZ

fire alarm went off so whole complex is silent standing outside and this guy makes a call and says “yeah man this broad just left my place. I had a girl over” i can guarantee he had no chicks over he’s my neighbor

yeah i have bpd Buy Polo Disorder

stand for something or fall for anything