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(Seal giving me a what-the-fuck look while I talk about the time I was kissed by a rose on the grey.)

In fairness, my typos were all over the place for “article corner booth,” but I still cant believe this is the technology that’s going to eventually end humanity.

Calling the Weather Channel to complain about how hot it is.

Uhhh, you’re not even going to acknowledge me?

One thing parents have a lot of questions about is any noise that happens when you’re on the phone.

A very complicated bit I do only for myself is call the main character of Andor “Andor” in a tone like I’m calling him the name of the show instead of his real name even though Andor really is his name.

Way to go Helena. This is how you stand out and get noticed.

A lot of people are complaining about having to get a Real I.D., but it’s a small price to pay to ensure that no terrorist will board a plane in the U.S. ever again unless they have received a gas bill.

Boogie Fland

It’s the biggest pitch meeting of my life. I write “Karate Kid” on the white board. Then I stare the executives down for ten entire seconds in silence before I erase “Kid” and write “Adult.”

There should be a cheaper form of therapy that’s just for talking about sports when it’s not going well.

It is with deep sadness for Steph Curry and the Warriors I now must say let’s go Wolves.

You, a basketball fan: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Me, also a basketball fan, but on an edible and suddenly remembering a player for the Houston Oilers who was in a Pizza Hut commercial when I was six: Ray Childress-Alexander

TikTok has become 4-Chan for things to do to cottage cheese.

Like 15 years ago I saw a thumbnail for a clip on a porn site that was titled “tennis lesbians,” and approximately once every eight hours since then I have said, “Tennis, lesbians?” to myself in my head in a snooty “Tennis, anyone?” tone.

I, personally, think that some of your favorite musicians sound ridiculous.

We’re in a news cycle right now where every 9 hours a new story comes out that’s like “In 2022 shortly before the midterms, an advisor stumbled upon Biden sitting in a chair wrong eating pebbles out of a bowl with milk.”

Safelite repair. Safelite replace.

An unfortunate situation, but this was the third hit on a big parlay for me.

Here’s what I’ve been working on today.