Why are mimes silent. You could talk the whole time you’re doing that stuff

One gotta go? Delete one forever? No, there is enough suffering. In fact, now you gotta make up a new one. Imagine a better world. Imagine a fifth thing.

Me to my alarm: go off I guess

Me, finishing a song: Wait, I might have really done something? This one really came together! Me exactly one hour later: This song is from the shadow world

Wanna feel young? The Moon Wars haven’t even BEGUN yet

starting to think twitter is bad/a government tool because we expel all of our political anger, animus, and energy on here and then like idk clock in to work and do our taxes and don't burn anything to the ground anymore... anyway glad i tweeted this

I hate when a TV show starts a new season by introducing a new character we've never met before because it's almost NEVER Desmond from Lost. It's only ever been him ONCE (Lost, Season 2)

I was tomorrow years old when the visions began

I keep laughing thinking about a banshee saying “I don’t know who needs to hear this but (ear-rending scream) AAAAAAAHH!!!!”

Bungled Bongles. I’m from Bingletown

I wanna try whatever cookies the Keebler Orcs are making. I bet they’re insane. I bet they’re so fucked up

Women will literally go to therapy instead of murdering the man who wronged them

Sorry, but: The second line of the Scooby Doo Theme SHOULD be “Squeeby Deeby Dee, where art thee”

French Canadian? Make up your mind!

If you’re a villain and you’re not REGULARLY saying “yes…this will do nicely…” it’s time for new henchmen

What if you got to heaven and it was full of dinosaurs who’d been there forever and they were really condescending about it

lobsters are the luigis of crabs

paying a composer to write some leitmotifs associated with healthy behaviors to prompt me to remember to do them...for instance i'd be ignoring all the cups cans glasses and mugs on my desk until i hear the orchestra i've also hired playing Cleaning Up the Empty Vessels (Reprise)