It’s been really fun driving around my hometown and reminiscing, like aw, that’s where I went to middle school! Hey, that’s where I used to ice skate in the winters! Oh, there’s the abandoned train station where my high school boyfriend would finger me in his Subaru Forrester.

Thinking about all the times I should’ve lied instead of being honest.

Being in a relationship has given me the courage to finally flirt with all my crushes.

I just wish I could take my boobs off, put them on a shelf in my closet, find them again several years from now and say “wow I can’t believe I used to wear these every day” and then wear them again but as a bit.

Just realized I can keep up the Father’s Day tradition of texting my dad “happy Father’s Day!” and never hearing back.

Seemed to be more dead dads than alive ones in my feed this year. Nature is healing.

Love meeting new people and hearing their detailed plans on the best way to have a career in comedy.

Look I like soccer but it would be an objectively better game if all the players mouth kissed each other more often. Your teammate scored a goal? He deserves a kiss! You knocked a player over? Give him a lil kiss to say “sorry”! Halftime? KISS!!

Texting my conservative uncle about a hockey game because I miss my dad. He’s doing his part by not responding.

Wait so...you’re allowed to just tell people you’re feeling depressed and need support? Sounds fake but ok.

Wow wow wow can’t believe I reached 16k 🤩

Meet the brave adventurers for tonight's Mandatory Work Outing! Flint Lumberfist Liz '’3 Ghosts in a Trenchcoat'' Getty Sir Manfrank Horsebert🎷🐎 Krugg Denk shovel Gory Shadowsky Nicole Sisk (our special guest from Improvised Weapons !!!) 7pm CDT twitch.tv/npcincorporated

When I think about what kids have to deal with when their parents go through a custody battle, it makes me grateful my dad was just like, “...Nah, you take ‘em.”

So weird that foods that taste good to some mouths taste bad to other mouths. Really wild stuff.

My boyfriend, stopping in the middle of doing dishes and bursting excitedly into the room: What if you knew how many poops you had left until you died?!

You know what? Parents are right. Having a dog is NOT that same as having a baby. Dogs are much smarter than babies.