I don’t trust trees. They seem kinda shady.. #trees #joke

Do people who run know that we're not food anymore? #running #joke

Our guide called the bear tracks I found bike tracks. Laugh it up pal, but if these bears are on bikes we're all going to die out here.. #bears #bikes #jokes

Me: [raises hand] My date: Again, that's not necessary.. #date #joke

Not everybody was kung-fu fighting Mom - some of us were trying to break it up.. #KungFu #joke

Anything is a boomerang if you throw it straight up.. #boomerang #joke

Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.. #rockclimbing #catastrophe #joke

A bloke walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. "Une demi-pinte de cidre s'il vous plaît," says the parrot. "That's amazing!" says the barman, "your parrot can speak French!" "Not really," replies the bloke. "He just repeats what he read in the phrasebook." #french #joke

Old unwanted telephone directories make ideal personal address books - simply cross out the names and addresses of all the people you don’t know.. #telephone #address #joke

My grandfather has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from Dublin Zoo.. #grandfather #lion #joke

Date: So what do you do? Me : *pulls out stuffed fox* I'm a taxidermist.. Date: Oh wow! Fox: ..and a ventriloquist! #taxidermy #ventriloquist #joke

Been learning how to guess the weight of dogs - picked up a few pointers yesterday.. #dogs #joke

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink. I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.. #joke #invisible #hospital

I have combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I’m gonna call it “Letter Rip”.. #joke #laxative #alphabetsoup

When you become a grown up, people stop asking what your favourite dinosaur is. They don’t even care.. #adulting #joke #dinosaur

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a fox? A fox. #chicken #fox #joke

Karl Marx is a famous historical figure, but nobody ever remembers his sister, Onya. She invented the starting pistol. #joke #KarlMarx

*pulls back curtain while wife is in the shower* Me: Are we - stop screaming, it’s just me - are we out of Cheetos? #joke #shower #Cheetos

My roommate says I have schizophrenia.

Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate. #roommate #joke

Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch - yeti never complains #bigfoot #sasquatch #yeti