Nature’s amazing; with the reduction in London traffic, just look at how this bridge has been transformed into a garden. We should consider building such bridges in the future.

This is the first time I have been described as ‘stable’.

Our new slogan is "four legs good, two legs better."

Just to be clear, Dominic Cummings also denies trashing the Blue Peter garden and I’ve instructed all Tory MPs to tweet support for him regarding this.

We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender Dominic Cummings.

It seems that I may have misread the cooking instructions on the ‘oven-ready Brexit’, so please pick which you would prefer:

Please line up to become an NHS reservist to make up for the NHS funding shortfall. This will help to maintain the quality of dividends for my friends who have already reserved their places in exfiltrating precious funds via NHS service contracts.

Let’s talk about Europe... it’s my favourite band & I’ve based my career on their message. With bad hair, & doggedly repeating the same rhetoric with little substance, they struck a chord with me. Hey UK, We’re leaving together... It’s The Final Countdown youtu.be/9jK-NcRmVcw

SHAFT!

I’m pleased to announce the UK’s new social care initiative, “GoFundMe”, a replacement to the existing benefits system and NHS. “Social care for the people, by the people.” Giving power back to individuals; you get to choose who deserves your money, whilst saving the state £bns.

I see lots of people tweeting #JohnsonOut, but let me warn you that getting my #JohnsonOut has led to all sorts of trouble (just ask the mothers of my kids).

“Thanks Laura, I just want to pay tribute to Allegra Stratton who has provided a marvellous distraction with her resignation today, whilst not answering your question about whether I knew about the party which never happened.”

youtu.be/UymN5scMpZM youtu.be/eBShN8qT4lk

The Leader of the Conservative Party. The word “party” is doing more of the heavy lifting in this title, than “conservative” or “leader”.

tactical.vote

New! Cassetteboy vs The Tories May 2022. (contains a swear)

Exit means Exit.

Wanted: New housemate for Westminster based feline. Recently decorated house includes excellent security, lightly used office space and large garden, suitable for hosting parties. Deep clean required.

I’m now appointing positions based on names: Education: James Cleverly Home Office: Paul Holmes Environment: Chris Green/Roger Gale Defence: Greg Knight/Matt Warman Treasury: Steve Barclay Health: Oliver Heald State (Brexit): James Brokenshire [No position for Chris Hands]

My exit is oven-ready, but may not happen as quickly or as fully as you may have expected.