I’D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST *gets down on one knee and hands my wife some toast*

Marching into April like:

Hey, I know that guy!

For my NCAA bracket, I looked at reports written by experts and analysts My wife picked winners based on logos and names and thought “Michigan St.” meant “Michigan Street” Guess who won

I am disproportionately proud of this #parenting #dadlife #parentingmemes

2yo: Can I have ice cream? Me: No, it’s almost bedtime 2yo: Are you sure? Me:

2yo: 🎶 It’s ok to feel sad sometimes 🎶 Me: Do you feel sad? 2yo: Um…not yet

🚨🚨 Small creators/companies who make #StarWars related products! We’re looking for sponsors for a Sabacc charity tournament that supports Johns Hopkins Children's Center through Extra Life! Prizes for winners, matching donations, whatever you can. Lemme know!

Me: Hey, can you go tell Mom something for me? 2yo: Yeah! Me (whispering): Tell her “You look really pretty today” *runs over to Mom* 2yo: Mama, I look really pretty today!

2yo: Daddy! I have an idea! Me: Oh yeah? What’s your idea? 2yo: My idea is pink! Me:

Child 1 learning to walk: Understanding 8/10 Coordination 4/10 Self-preservation instincts 9/10 Child 2 learning to walk: Understanding 9/10 Coordination 3/10 Self-preservation instincts -999999/10

2yo: Look Dada, I’m wearing my Frozen watch! Me: Oh that’s so cool! What time is it? 2yo: *carefully examines Frozen watch* 2yo: It’s three-ty forty!

I saw a doctor today and she used a stethoscope to check my heart and my breathing, but then also used it to check my eyes, ears, and mouth? She was also wearing an unnecessarily fancy princess dress. Oh I forgot to mention, she’s my daughter and she’s 2

My toddler discovered “Golden” from KPop Demon Hunters 1st listen: This is pretty cool 5th listen: I’m tired of this 12th listen: This is a bop 🔥 20th listen: I can’t do this anymore 37th listen: I hate my life 59th listen: *belting lyrics*

🎶 I'll have a fluuuuuuuu Christmaaaaaas with all of you I’ll have this fluuuuuuuuuuuu just parentiiiiing youuuuuuu Decoraaaaaaaations of green on these tiiiiiiiiiissues I seeeeeeeeee Won't be the same dear, if you're not coughing with meeeeeeeeeeeee 🎶

I don’t wanna brag, but it only took 20 minutes to convince my 3yo to put her shoes on for daycare this morning 💅🏻 and only like 25% of the tears were mine