I love how you can tell how slutty a girl is by the size of her hoop earrings. bitly.xaijo.com/RejbC

I had to ground my son for cursing. He turned the girl next door into a frog. bitly.xaijo.com/hANrOaH

bitly.xaijo.com/oallrF I hate it when I bite into an apple & then realize "Whoops!" it's a salmon...

shorturl.xaijo.com/irene "GET A TREE" - what I just yelled at two squirrels doing it on my lawn

bitly.xaijo.com/deloris I'm just a regular guy, putting on my Capri pants 3/4 leg at a time.

bitly.xaijo.com/hInkCnS "Don't even talk to me until I've Instagrammed my coffee." - Portland, Oregon

"To infinity (bed, bath) and beyond!" - Buzz Lightyear settles down shorturl.xaijo.com/corey

googl.adultgalls.com/fran MEMO TO GIRLS: It is not cold in here. You are a girl.

googl.adultgalls.com/tim One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.