Blacked out in a college town last night in the first time in a while. Found out my belly button is the best cig holder a man could as for

Just pulled the gas pump out of my car and the pump lock didnt disengage. Im now soaked in gasoline driving home from work

#flashbacktuesday Heres a picutes of me from two years ago back in my prime. Now im stuck behind a desk hating life. Enjoy the little things while you can

I wish it was standard for all girls you are snapchatting to send you pictures of their tits the morning of your birthday.

I SEEN DAT DEREK CARR NEWS AND RAN OUT DA CRIB WITH A SHIRT ON WITH NO FUCKIN DRAWS NIGGA WINNIE THE POOH

I cant wait to hit on freshly graduated college girls at Neighbors

Bad day to be a blue powerade

You know youre becoming an old sack of shit when marking golf balls in your free time gives you genuine joy

Ive always thought being a stay at home dad is the most pussy thing in the world but this week at work is making me realize house husbands are playing chess and im playing corporate retard

Record breaking 13 N-Bombs on the way home from work today. Started rolling my Rs after the 10th

Im legit going to punch the next bitch I wear seeing those stupid ass knee high jorts

All of these broads dating AA baseball players is so corny. Reality check: he’s never going to make it to the big leagues and youre gonna be stuck married to a car salesman in 5 years

Just played golf and hung out at Troubador all day. Played a few holes with Luke Bryan. Motivation to get rich

My lawyer is playing Golf Clash before this hearing. Im so cooked

Ya i took this… Theres something about a double rainbow that will make a grown man giddy

350lber at the bar wearing a sex positions polo. Asked him for the link

Mount Huzzmore 🦄🥋 👸 Luzz (best) : Lego huzz 👃Nuzz: nose huzz 🇲🇽 Muzz: Mexican huzz 😘 🌊 Buzz: beach huzz 👶 uzz: Underage huzz

Me this past weekend. Good vibes as always. Lets ATD fellas and make it to Friday.