You can say what you want about me but do not shit talk Mrs. T’s pierogies

Socks coming off of my foot when I take boots off will be my 13th reason

If you message me “hey, still alive? Haven’t heard from ya?” It’s probably a good time to give up 😬

I am a strong independent woman until I have to hold the patient’s leg during a hip replacement surgery

Replying to a snap picture with a chat 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

If you can’t defend your friends when they aren’t around then you aren’t friends.

Scott: you know.. the dolphin team Emily: the dolphins???? Scott: yeah!

Doctor: do you smoke or vape? Me: nope The vape in my pocket:

Siriusxm really be acting like a crazy ex gf when your subscription is about to run out

Where can I find a really wealthy old man on his death bed? Only asking because I have a huge heart and don’t want him to be alone in his final days 🫶🏼

“I can’t have a threesome I don’t want Covid” -42 year old lady at the bar

100% will act dumb when I know the answers just to see if you’ll tell me the truth

Every year I forget where all I hid the eggs and end up participating

In desperate need of a new tattoo 😩

I really be watching whole movies through 3 minute clips on tiktok 😂😭

“You’re in your bed a lot” Yeah, I like it there

So much for friends that “understand” what you’re going through 🥴

What the hell are the birds so happy about every morning

Can’t believe I spent most of my hot years on men that didn’t deserve it 😐

Why’s it so hard to find someone that will tickle my arms and back and not talk to me