“wtf was i about to google?”

we broke while making triple what our parents made

when your stomach is really mad at you and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it

"You picked the wrong lobster, motherfucker" 🦞National Lobster Day🦞

One thing about me is if you give me the choice to go big or go home I’m going home. All my stuff is there.

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every. single. day.

EVERYTHING KEEPS COSTING MONEY

this too shall pass but holy fuck

Maybe you should stop eating vaseline and just eat avocados.

When you want to leave the party but it's at your house.

Every day, the neighbor's dog politely asks his owner to open the gate, so that our two doggos can come into his garden to play

Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.

Me feeling refreshed, full of life and ready to face the week ahead.

Zimeshika kama sticker ya imperial leather

Women in construction 🔥

This is still twitter btw I refuse to call it by its stripper name

carpetlessly. It's tiny bits of writing like these that make me so happy to exist in the same realm as you.

to much availablity k!lls your value,,,, don't show up for work on Wednesdays

Home clothes also have categories: Good enough to clean with Good enough to lounge in Good enough to go to the shops with

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.