What a ride motherhood/this marriage is. (9 is going to a party with new friends)

10am the day after my husband maliciously overcooks food items and makes everything smell like burnt cotton candy and asshole and I am so tired

Not seen here is the original answer for #5 which said “Mom sharded.” This is fine.

Cleaning out my car and I found $1200 😒

The people don’t want a live -action Stitch. Give us Anastasia.

And I don’t even have a job. 💅

My husband is not Clinically Depressed™️ so he doesnt think it’s funny

What a totally normal thing to see in my basement

Had to call Zoo New England lost and found to inquire about a missing water bottle: “And you said it has Bluey stickers on it?” “Well, kind of- it has a sticker of Chattermax on the toilet. Idk if you’re familiar with Bluey at all….” “I am not. We’ll call you if we find it”

I must be going through something, TT is giving me rug cleaning videos again

Nothing will make me shriek with joy like a divorce announcement

Someone made food scientist choices over the weekend so it’s back to telling our kids that they aren’t allowed to mention 𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 before we go out in public

Tickets for Boston Dropout sold out while they were in my cart yesterday *gestures at chaos caused by 𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 * Please add another night Sam Reich , I need this.

Cc: Jacob Wysocki

My husband went grocery shopping and it looks like a middle school boy filled my fridge

Unrelated but Gavin DeGraw is playing the inauguration.

We made it in the picture 𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛

Introduced prank calling to my six year old… what are some good ones? We’ve only got the refrigerator bit.

OK, maybe I do get how people let their animals stay stuck in silly things to take a picture